Am I a professional now?
I'm official, I have a website!
If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me if I have a website...I'd have about $25. But still, I feel like the gal searching the bottom of her purse for change for the bus while my peers drive by in their Subaru hatchbacks and van homes. Free spiriting their way through life while still having an unfettered presence online. I don't get it. Creative and business minded? Seems unfair.
Well about 18 months after I started talking about developing a website, here we are! It looks far more organized and put together than the woman behind the curtain. I feel pretty naked behind here if I'm being honest. I'll gladly hide behind the highlights of my work while I attempt to strip off the failures. Nobody needs to see that...or maybe they do.
Well, I guess here in the blogs is where to find my misadventures, missteps, and mistakes. If you're an unsuperhuman like me maybe you'll relate.
Self promotion for me is like going to the dentist. In the long-run, so glad I did it. In the short term it feels like an invitation to tell me what I'm doing wrong. "But how long did you spend on the task?", "Are you sure you're really digging in?", "why don't I polish those up for you?". Ugh.
Plus I become the monster of my own story. Suddenly I have multiple made-up hecklers, trolls, and fedora wearing, pipe smoking, barefoot artists in my head all yielding red pens and 'good effort' stickers. So I go play an immersive RPG and become someone else for a while. The out-of-control party in my head eventually dies down just in time to push another piece out into the world.
Well now all the pieces have a home. By no means do the pieces make a whole. It's always going to be Jillian Morris in pieces. New additions/editions to come. I think being whole is a myth. I'm ok with that. I kind of like the search, the hunger, the curiosity, the peek around the next corner. I can't be interesting if I'm not kept interested.
Follow along for more affirmations of the self-doubting.